DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
