i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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