I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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