i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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