Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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