quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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