I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
