he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize