o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize