my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
