My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize