he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
