Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Alive.
So much puke
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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