I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
