Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
