Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
