I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
