Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
