True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
