New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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