Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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