woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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