I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
