can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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