it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
