I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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