I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish you could order shots online.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
