Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
