My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
