it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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