it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
