why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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