Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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