six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
