I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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