Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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