nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can you bring me the toilet please
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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