I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
