sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
