tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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