I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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