i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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