They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize