11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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