If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
