Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize