One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
