He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
