I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
