is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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