Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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