I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
