Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
