I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
