did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
