Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
