There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
