I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
