I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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