I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
